What can I do when the GP just recomends self help?

August 30th, 2008 | by admin |

I am depressed. I have a stressful job, managing staff as well as the public, and I feel as though everything I do away from work is a mess. I live with my boyfriend of over 3yrs, and I consider our relationship to be happy. However, I feel alot of the time like I let him down and repulse him. I have very low self worth and I always wonder how somebody as great as him stays with me when he really could have anybody.

I cant get along with his family as they seem to be "the perfect family" and I feel as though they are wishing for the day that I`m not around to ruin their son`s life.

I guess I just feel as though I eek out an existance rather than appreciating life. Dont seem to have any more energy or interest in anything and I sometimes think that the world would be happier if I were not around. I feel at rock-bottom, completely pushed over the edge.

I cant continue like this. I have a problem. When I approached my GP, she just told me to read self-help books.
I might add that this is all taking stress on my health with various symptoms (heart palpitations, panic & anxiety attacks, migraines, low immunity, aching body etc) I fear that if I dont get help before I do something that harms me, my health (or lack of it) will get me there just as quick

Hi there,
im so sorry to hear you feel this way and you are suffering from depression, where low self esteem and confidence is part of it. I have a doctor who like you was very dismissive…but you have to change your doctor or go see another one at your surgery if you can do that. If not try looking for a local counselling session as this can greatly help, as they can teach you coping tecniques and help you vent some of that stress. Best of luck x

  1. 20 Responses to “What can I do when the GP just recomends self help?”

  2. By minime on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    if i was you i would seek a second opinon, sounds to me like you need a bit more then self help books you need some sort of counselling. as for your boyfriend he would not be with you if he did not like you, go see another doctor, please dont do anything to harm yourself the world would not be a better place without you .
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  3. By freddy the newf on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    I am now 47 and met my bloke at 21. I was the same in that I thought I was fat and ugly. For years people said I was lovely and too good for him, but my self esteem was so low. What I am saying is 'believe in yourself' because he has chosen you for a reason and he obviously loves you above his family. If you continue to question him, you may drive him away. My blokes mum was really jealous of me and made up untruths about me until I fought back.Eventually, I won the battle over his family and we are now married and have nothing to do with his kin ( his choice). Love him and if he doesn't love you the same - desert.
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  4. By Super_Star_Shopper on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    You have the right to a second opinion, from either a different doctor at your practise or a doctor at another practise. Your GP can not refuse you this, they have to support your decision for a second opinion.

    You could ask you GP to refer to a counsellor, so you can discuss your stress and anxiety with them.

    Hope you find the help you need
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  5. By The Ant hill mob on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    Are you in England, if so phone NHS direct on 0845 4647 it's a 24/7 No and they can advise!

    If you need a chat we're here!
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  6. By Trillyp on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    It sounds like your GP wants to try to get to the root of the problem without just loading you with anti-depressants. I'm sure self-help books are all well and good and I'm sure that in some instances they do work. However, it really does sound like you need some anti-depressants. If you feel better in yourself, I'm sure all of the other problems will seem less magnified. Your boyfriend must think a hell of a lot of you otherwise, why would he stay? Oh, and there is no such thing as a "perfect family" however much they try to seem like one.
    I would try to see another GP before your problems become worse and you end up pushing everyone away.
    Depression is as much an illness as chickenpox or anything else - it IS treatable and you are not alone…..
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  7. By Bexs on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    First of all, you need to understand that your boyfriend is with you because he loves you, warts and all. It is difficult when you have low self esteem as you do not like yourself, you find it hard to understand how someone else could. Also, you generally find that as long as their son is happy, his parents will be happy and I am sure that they like you too. I would urge you to look at your life and make any changes to destress yourself. Can you change your job, a little less money will be worth a happier you if that's what it takes. I really do understand the anxiety, panic attack thing as I get them when ever I feel down or low - I have been tempted for the quick fix (beta blockers anti-drepressents etc) but don't do it - you don't want drugs to change your mindset, you need to change your lifestyle. Maybe counselling would help to work through your self-esteem issues. Go back and see your GP and ask for a referral - don't let them palm you off with tablets - you need to face your demons at some stage. Good luck. x
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  8. By SH2007 on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    Hi there,
    im so sorry to hear you feel this way and you are suffering from depression, where low self esteem and confidence is part of it. I have a doctor who like you was very dismissive…but you have to change your doctor or go see another one at your surgery if you can do that. If not try looking for a local counselling session as this can greatly help, as they can teach you coping tecniques and help you vent some of that stress. Best of luck x
    References :

  9. By jillionsing on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    His family might be great but if they don't make you feel great… If your job wears you down… If your partner isn't as loving as you need him to be… no wonder you're feeling low at the mo…

    I once went to my GP complaining of bad headaches & she said "get rid of what's causing them" (simple as that!)
    i.e. nothing medically wrong, only entanglements / unresolved issues…

    … so I guess that's what your doc meant by "self-help."

    WHO does understand you & WHO emotionally supports you??? That's what you need to help you to be happy + lol
    XX
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  10. By Peter P on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    Judging by your story your GP may have made a mistake. Doctors are people -and have to judge the situation in the short time given. You may want to find a pschologist to talk to. There will be more time and oppertunity to talk about your problems.
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  11. By Patti C on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    Honey, get another doctor. Get one who will check you physically first and then if everything is OK physically, will work with you to help you.

    I will try to make this story short, but….
    I had a friend who had all the signs of depression, plus palpitations, etc. Her uncaring GP determined this by having her fill out a form which asked yes or no questions. Her answers to the questions were true and it did show depression. She also developed (she was in her 30s) very painful menstrual pain. I have seen her pass out from this (the blood loss, etc.) Her told her some woman just had harder times with this than others. She also had a history of miscarriages but was no longer married so pregnancy wasn't an issue any longer.

    I finally convinced her to change doctors. The second doctor found a medical reason for her palpitations and treated that. After that she was able to sleep nights, her heart stopped racing and her symptoms of depression went away. She was also referred to a GYN, who found fibroid tumors so large she was not sure if they could be removed by a vaginal hysterectomy.

    You may not have a physical problem, it may be poor self-esteem, depression or something similar. However, NO ONE should dismiss how you are feeling the way your doctor did.

    Please first rule out physical reasons and then if you get a clear bill of health, either your NEW doctor can help you or you can seek help from a therapist.

    Good luck to you. You are correct in that you cannot continue like this.
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  12. By truthofmatter on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    Read self-books first. If it doesn't work go back to your GP.

    It is important to constantly pray for your happiness and good relationship with people you care.

    Unfortunately things don't happen the way you wish unless you work on it.

    Also, you might need a through medical check.
    If you smoke you might want to stop smoking because cigarettes are depressant.

    Good luck!
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  13. By amethyst on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    I am very disappointed to hear of your GP's attitude. In my experience of depression, simply attempting to read a book, or relax + watch a film is impossible. If you were a diabetic, you would need to be given insulin.As far as I see it- if you are suffering from depression, something has gone wrong with the chemical balance in your brain, and there are drugs to treat that- just like with diabetes. Once you are stablilised- then is the time to try and rationalise what has gone wrong. Do try and get a second opinion- I wish you well.
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  14. By mary h on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    the best thing to do is go back to the doctor and take someone with you who knows how your feeling for support. tell her what your thinking truthfully you feel like self harming that should buck up her ideas. failing that change your doctor.
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  15. By tabby261 on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    first of all you need to find a new doctor and fast…second you don't need to worry about your bf parents and if they like you.. you just have to be you. stop worrying about work, it's just a job… yes we all need one to survive and pay our bills, but don't let it control you. you control your life.

    find a doctor who is more inclined to listen to you and help you with your problems… and try talking to your bf about all of this, because if he cares he will listen and be there for you…

    best wishes and hang in there… life is to short as it is…
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  16. By happy_acid on Mar 17, 2007 | Reply

    Is good your crying out for help rather than trying to drown your sorrows in yuor life. Sometimes talking about your problems helps you put things into perspective. But they do say a problem shared is a problem halved, maybe youc ould share things withyour bf as he is the person you are closest to. He is the one that knows your thoughts and may already have an inkling that things are not rosey. Like others have said to you, remember he is with you for a reason, so you should find some solace in that, he cares for you otherwise he would have walked away. As for his family, don't worry about them, concentrate on your relationship with him and be yourself around them. The happiness you both feel from your relationship will radiate out and will be visible to them, surely they want their son to be happy.

    Maybe it's time to assess your routines in life and make some changes to help you deal with the issues you are suffering from. Tackle them one at a time to help you cope with the way you feel. But do seek further advice, self help is all good when the problems seem minor, but your whole life is being affected visible by the symptoms you are suffering.

    In some areas it takes time to get referred to a counsellor on the NHS so get your GP to refer you ASAP. Your GP may want you to take natural avenues and help yourself as he/she doesn't realise the extent of your feelings, go back again, and if you have no joy go to another GP in the practice.

    I hope you have success, you are a human being, and are someone special and unique to your boyfriend. Am sure he would miss your presence if he wasn't to see you tomorrow. I wish you well. xxx
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  17. By ginger on Mar 18, 2007 | Reply

    see another doctor, and remember, if you are as awful as you think then why would your man stay around all this time? it doesnt make sense!
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  18. By Elsie on Mar 18, 2007 | Reply

    Get a second opinion. Tell them books don't work for you. Don't give up until you get help. You have the right.
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  19. By marki on Mar 18, 2007 | Reply

    You have admitted you are deppressed,get 2nd opinion and stress that you wish to try a preffered antideppresent,it is your righ to ask,if you had a headache you would take a painkiller…So whats the difference with depression,doctors dont always no best ,,,good luck
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  20. By Frances on Mar 19, 2007 | Reply

    I would suggest something that is perhaps not possible for you, but I would get a less stressful job and then I think you will find all your troubles disappearing in time. Once you get really stressed out you cannot cope with the minor things in life and that brings you right down. You cannot be fun to live with at the moment so you must sort out your priorities do you want a career or a happy home life. Good luck to you hope you pull through ok.
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  21. By Afrowoman on Mar 19, 2007 | Reply

    Go to see another doctor privately. In these days you sometimes have to pay to make sure that you get the treatment that you want.
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